So what kind of day did you have...

So today was kind of lame! My husband got sick (non-stop dry heaves and nausea) and I had to drive him to the doctor's (however, I am currently on a steroid that makes me dizzy and I should not drive, but alas a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do). So I called my mom at 5:30pm (AKA Jo-Ann or Nana) and asked if she could come over and watch my daughter, Lauren (she's got school tomorrow and the doctor's appointment was at 7:45 pm). Nana said "No Problem, that's what mom's are for!" and got in her car to come to my house. About 1 hour to 1 1/2 hours later Nana calls to say she is stuck in traffic, because of an accident, but she hopes to get off at the next exit (2/10's of a mile away) and be at my place within the next 20 minutes (which is when we need to leave).

But wouldn't you have guessed it, she is still stuck on the freeway when we need to leave (took her 30 minutes to go 1/10th of a mile). No worries, we will call my son, Kenny (Michael to some of you) who was at work and he will come home from work to watch his sister since this constitutes a "family emergency". Lauren assures us that she will be OK at home alone for the 10 minutes it will take Kenny to get home. And once Nana gets to the house, Kenny can go back to work! Sounds good...but wait...

In route to Kaiser with my sick husband, I get a call from my son, Kenny, he has a flat tire and they can't get the spare unstuck from under his truck...REALLY! So I call Nana, who is still on the freeway and hasn't moved in the last 20 minutes...Okay now I lose it!

So I pull into a parking spot, send my sickly hubby on his merry way and call my neighbor, Carmen, who wonderfully agrees to go to my house and pickup my daughter. (Thank the Lord for Neighbor Mommies). I call Nana back to let her know that Lauren is at Carmen's and she let's me know that she is still in the same spot on the freeway. I call Kenny to find out that he is in the seedier part of town but luckily one of his friends has AAA and they are on their way. I proceed to punch my horn a few times, scare neighboring individuals who just happened to be walking out of the Kaiser Office and then proceed to walk into the building and find my sickly hubby.

Found him...he is curled up in a ball on a chair with his little barf bucket waiting to be seen for his 7:45 appointment, by the way it is now 8:20pm. Finally we go in and the doctor informs us that he thinks its the flu. "But wait", I said, "We all got our flu shots this year!" to which the doctor responded, "That's good, he could be much worse!" So the doctor, gives him a shot of something called "Reglan" to settle his tummy, gives me a prescription to go down to the pharmacy and get filled and tells me to come back and pick him up after the prescription is filled and then we can go home (they wanted to make sure he wouldn't have any side affects). Nana calls, she just picked up Lauren from Carmen's! HOORAY!!!!!

So down to the pharmacy I go! Submit the prescription...please take a seat it will be 15 minutes...I guess I'll call Nana and let her know how truly grateful I am and "Oh, by the way, you've just walked into to a house that has 'THE FLU'!" To which she says, "no worries, everything will be OK" and gives me some perspective. The accident on the freeway was a fatality, someone just lost a loved one. Sure Michael is sick, mom just spent 2 hours on the freeway, Kenny has a flat tire (oh I need to call him), Lauren was at a neighbors house and yes earlier today I was told I have bronchitis (I forgot to mention that), but we are all OK! I tell her I love her and speak to Lauren for a minute, also telling her I love her, then I hang up and call Kenny.

Kenny is with AAA and they have just gotten the spare tire on, he is surrounded by 4 friends who came to his aid. I ask him to call me when everything is OK. I go back upstairs and get my husband, who is now less nauseous but super dizzy and we proceed to walk down to the car. He decides that the evening hasn't been fun enough and almost falls down, but quickly recovers. (Nice scare...did I mention I am currently struggling with a herniated T2 disc and bulged disk at C1,C2 & C3...I mean if he went down there was no way I was going to get him up). But we made it to the car. Just before backing out of my parking spot, Kenny calls. All is good and he is on his way!

Driving home was somewhat fun...in that I got kind of dizzy and had to drive by braille (I kept hitting the funny little bumps in the road). But we made it!

So why did I post all this on this blog, because tonight my mom reminded me of Aunt Cathy! Nana found the silver lining, they way Aunt Cathy always seemed to do! And I figured that Cathy would be proud of Mom too, just as I am! And like mom said earlier, someday we will laugh about this and you know what I think she is right!

An October Day

Here it is October 2006. I think it's going to be a tough month to get through. I seem to be thinking of Cathy all the time. I don't think a day has gone by this past year that I haven't thought about her, but lately I am reminded of her many times a day. We shared such wonderful times together. I try to keep busy which gives me less time to feel lonely and sorry for myself. I have found that walking really helps to pass the time and it doesn't hurt weight loss either. I have never been one to write, but for some reason I just feel like putting my thoughts down about Cathy helps me to deal with the loss. I reread the blogs on this site and realize I am the only one still blogging... so maybe that is why I feel so comfortable doing it. I still haven't figured out how to do paragraphs. I have so much to be thankful for.. my wonderful family, my children, their spouses and my grandchildren. I don't know how I would have gotten though this past year without them. I can only say that now I will continue to do what the plaque Chelle gave me says, ".......You can do what she'd want: Smile, Open Your Eyes, Love and Go On." I don't think I like October very much. My brother, Leo, passed away in October (10/10/97) so I feel like I lost both a brother and a sister in October. I know they both knew how much I cared about them, so that makes me feel better. Enough sadness, I will now get on with my life. I have to get ready to go to my Wednesday night Bible Study Group. Thanks to Cathy's strong faith, I have found my way back to the Lord.

miss those notes

Oh, how I miss those notes on the back of the door. I now have a drawing from my granddaughter Lauren in their place. For some silly reason, I have kept a note that Cathy wrote, that says "Water Plants". She would never water them for fear, she would over water, but if she noticed they were drooping, she would leave me a note. As I write this, I am thinking about all the wonderful memories we shared in this apartment. It will be real strange to move to a new apartment (even though it's just down the street). I feel so close to her here. For those of you who may not know, this complex is going condo... so I have little choice but to move. I am sorry that was all one paragraph, but I can't figure out how to start a new one, without just hitting the space bar until I reach a new line.. Using the enter key just doesn't work. As I re-read the blogs (and cried), I realize that there are so many words that described Cathy. Just a few are: Courageous, Loving, Caring, Considerate, Generous, sometimes Serious, sometimes Funny, Precious, and Unforgettable. I don't think any of us could describe her in just one word.

Courage...

This evening I turned on the television and ended up watching some news show that was talking about the recent death of Dana Reeve and her journey with cancer. A reporter stated Dana was courageous and then quoted Ernest Hemingway; "Courage is grace under pressure."

My daughter was watching this show with me and said "Aunt Cathy had courage". You know she is right. Aunt Cathy showed so much grace under pressure. To this day I am still amazed at how she handled her journey.

People think the only way you can beat cancer is by surviving it. However I have realized that even if you lose this life to cancer, you can still beat it. Cathy beat it, she didn't let it tear her down. I have never met someone facing something like cancer with the courage she had. She was always making us feel better, consoling us, helping us, loving us and laughing at the things that affected her adversely when other people would simply lose hope.

I don't know much about Dana Reeve, but I do know that Aunt Cathy IS the definition of courage!

Hallmark must be suffering

I noticed on my birthday...then Valentine's day...Cathy would ALWAYS send cards for every occassion...

Thanksgiving and Christmas were, of course, difficult. But being at home with family and friends made it easier. It was a different feeling coming home alone at the end of the day and rifling through the mail, happy to see greetings from friends and family...but no longer from Cathy.

But I must say, Jo-Ann, your handwriting is so similar to hers! I do a double-take each time you send a card! It's nice to still receive cards from Beaverton. Since Cathy can't send them anymore, it's almost as though you're sending them for her. Thanks for thinking of me. The thoughts and the cards are very much appreciated :)

4 months

I can hardly believe that it has been 4 months since Cathy left us. A day doesn't go by that I don't think of her. Most of the time, it brings tears to my eyes. Then, again, I think of all the wonderful memories.

Weekend mornings are still a little difficult. We used to get up on Saturday morning and watch the early show together. At least it started out that way, quite often she would stop to call Mary. Then in the spring & early fall, it would be off to the Beaverton Farmers Market. We usually would eat German Bratwursts and Sauerkraut for breakfast (8am) . We would walk around the market for an hour or so, just to get exercise. Sometimes we'd come home empty handed, full stomachs...

Cathy would usually be up really early on Sunday morning and have checked out the Target ad on-line before I was awake. So after watching Sunday Morning with Charles Osgood, we would have to go to Target or Kmart.

I am finding it really hard to go shopping alone, but I sure have saved money. I haven't bought any new clothes. I used to get at least a new blouse or something, every other week.

I hope you don't think that I am complaining. I just needed to "talk" to someone. I have started so many blogs, but always erase them, because I don't think anyone would be interested in what I've said. This time, I'm leaving it, because it makes feel good to put my thoughts into written word.

Cathy was a real blessing in my life and I will never forget her.

It is becoming reality

Today is the memorial service. On my way to work I just started to cry. Yesterday I just wanted to cry. We did once. And then there was a realization last night that we were out at dinner but we weren't ALL at dinner. Cathy wasn't at dinner with us.
I held back the tears but I was thinking.. this is where I had my b'day dinner with Cathy and she ordered what I ordered (Steak with Lobster tail). And we were sitting where we sat when she was here.
Yesterday, We put together a picture poster. We did three at my house. I couldn't believe how much we missed out on by having her so far away. Chelle had said how she was jealous when Ginny and I used to spend a week each summer in California. But seeing all the pictures, I was the jealous one. She won't be here for my wedding or children (if that should happen). Or even for graduation next year.
Even the annual call on my Gotsha Day. When she called to let me know that I am special.
Thanksgiving will be here soon, and then Christmas. She won't be here, no cards, we won't receive 'the perfect gift'.
It is getting harder.
It gets harder then easier, right?